I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
