just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
