just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
