mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
