My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk is not a location!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
