You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
