i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone shattered a urinal.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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