You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
