He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
