I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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