That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
