You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
