i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
