Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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