Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
