i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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