u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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