Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
