Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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