Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
