Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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