Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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