Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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