Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
