If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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