Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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