I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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