Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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