Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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