The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
