In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
