god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
