when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
