Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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