plz talk dirty to me
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
