i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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