Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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