she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
