Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This baby is an asshole
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
