please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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