Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
