How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
