Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think my moral compass just broke
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
