Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
