My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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