the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
