Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
