Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
