could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
