remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
